Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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