The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I will be naked everywhere
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
