do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
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