Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
