The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
