Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
