I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
