Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
