I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
