accomplished twins. life is a go
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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