she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
