winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
