Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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