so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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