I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
