Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
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By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
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I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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