well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
