Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
