If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
