Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
