what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
