Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
