I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
