doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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