My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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