i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
