she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
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I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
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Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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