I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
