party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
