You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
