how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
