i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
