Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
