Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
