you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
