i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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