redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You're a waste of cheezeits
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
