Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
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This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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