ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
