Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
