please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
God gave him joint rollers for hands
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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