R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize