it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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