just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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