we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
