you lied. pity sex is amazing.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
