i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Small penises have feelings too.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
