...so i touched it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
