remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize