I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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