I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
