I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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