That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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