In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
