After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
