just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
