Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
