Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize