you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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