So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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