Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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