After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
