I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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