dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
