Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
