remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The air was thick with penises
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
