Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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