my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
